Why does it feel that I am the only one that does the things I do. I feel I am the only one my age that actually interacts with religion, teaches it , professes it and defends it. Other 21 year olds are out drinking and partying without a care in the world. I wish I could not care so much, I could go out and live that kind of life. I do drink occasionally, but can’t go out every night like everyone else does, I’ve seen enough damage caused by it. I’m not saying the things I think about are always related to religion and morals, but it does impact alot of my thinking. I feel it is a blessing and also a curse to think the way I do.
I tend to hide my feelings alot, for fear of being put down. I feel that my whole life I was always downgraded, never good enough. I did not have a normal life, what so ever. I try to live as normal of a life I can possibly lead, but it always comes back and gets me. Damn you brain! Why must you work? ( Better then not working I guess)
Every relationship I have been in I tend to over think things and lose trust.
Every friendship- I tend to not trust them either. I’ve been back stabbed too much in the past.
I can honestly say I have never had a true best friend- someone that I can just say how I feel and not worry what they think. I have so many things I want to share about life, many thoughts that just end up bottled up and go unsaid.
Ever since I was young, I always had the feeling that my life had a purpose. I always felt that God had a plan for me, but to this day I still don’t know exactly what He wants me to be doing. I don’t want to disappoint Him. I also felt that I was going to die young, but I have been through many things that could have killed me, but God has helped me through it.
God, what is your plan for me? Is this the struggle I must go through to live the life you chose for me? Are these the crosses I must bear everyday?